My book is in the world today!

And I'm feeling rather human about it.

Jul 09, 2024

My book, True to You, is officially in the world today!

I want you to imagine what you think I’ll be doing on my pub day. Now replace it with an image of me hauling cupcakes and wine across the surface of the sun. Debating whether the dress I’m wearing is nice enough. Signing books for friends, wondering if they are secretly annoyed to have to be there. I’ll be guessing if a colleague is already reading the book, shaking their head at my wrongness.

But that’s the challenge, right? Doing a thing, despite the feelings. Recognizing that thinking about others’ reactions is natural, but trying to manage them is optional. For me, today is an opportunity to focus on why this book’s ideas are important to me. An opportunity to be responsible in how I communicate, without being over-responsible for others.

Still, I am a mammal. I was designed to get others invested in me. So I try not to be so hard on myself. I’m simply curious with what I can do with myself this third time around.

It’s a tremendous privilege to get another go at writing a book about the ideas in Bowen theory and the science that has kept me curious as a therapist. This book isn’t about quick fixes, but about people’s long, thoughtful efforts in bringing a little more self to their relationships.

And I also think it’s funny! I wouldn’t be true to myself if there wasn’t a small but respectable dose of television sprinkled into this book. I think a book can be helpful but also have 30 Rock and Succession quotes. It can use science, but also speculate whether Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler will ever get together. And now comes the slack-jawed realization of the shows I didn’t quote (Battlestar Galactica!), so I guess I’ll have to write another one.

Until then, True to You is my best attempt at describing how humans operate and how they begin to inch toward themselves. About how people start to get interested in their part of the patterns. I hope it’s a resource for the hopes you have for yourself and your relationships. I hope you take the ideas and make them yours.

And I hope to see you sweaty and in person (or dry and online) at my book launch tonight at 7pm EST at East City Bookshop, where I’ll be in conversation with the great Michelle Brafman.

If you’re missing my weekly newsletter, you can find my thinking this week:

In Slate, with an essay on why I like to talk to my clients about anxious cows and other animals. And the book I wish more people in DC read . . .
On The Anxious Achiever podcast, where I chatted with Morra Aarons-Mele about how Bowen theory helps me think differently about people pleasing.
On the #AmWriting podcast, where I talked with KJ Dell’Antonia about escaping the lure of attention and approval as a writer.