I really struggle with “Acting over-responsible for your partner’s mood”. As a child I had the misfortune of growing up with a Dad that was in a terrible mood frequently. It was constant and no one had to tell us, we knew it and felt it. To this day my first thought when I think of Christmas memories is “Dad was stewing / upset”. And alas, I married a less than cheery spouse. When he is in a sour mood I really take his mood on as my responsibility. Because I don't want my kids to grow up with the same memories, and because all those years I go as a little girl I couldn’t stand up for myself against the toxic cloud of emotions and dammit I’m not going to sit by now. In practice this looks like me asking “what’s wrong?” “Why are you in a bad mood?” repeatedly and hoping he would just disappear when he is in a surly mood and get lost anywhere but here. Anything less seems like Im not protecting myself or my young kids from his pouting and stewing. I frequently wonder how this could go better but Im always at a loss.
Every time these situations arise you've been granted the opportunity to apply something new and experiment. I struggled the same in my response to situations and have often found that I'm challenged with repeated cycles and/or circumstances but the progress only really began to take form when something inside me shifted. I'm unsure if this helps only thought I would share. It wouldn't hurt you to remember that you're doing nothing wrong. Your effort and consideration to the matter, alone, are worth noting in my opinion.
I know one of my strengths - understanding what people want and need - can also be one of my biggest weaknesses - people pleasing.
So great tips in this piece on checking in on your thoughts and how you frame different situations.
Thank you.
This was a good reminder. Thank you.
I really struggle with “Acting over-responsible for your partner’s mood”. As a child I had the misfortune of growing up with a Dad that was in a terrible mood frequently. It was constant and no one had to tell us, we knew it and felt it. To this day my first thought when I think of Christmas memories is “Dad was stewing / upset”. And alas, I married a less than cheery spouse. When he is in a sour mood I really take his mood on as my responsibility. Because I don't want my kids to grow up with the same memories, and because all those years I go as a little girl I couldn’t stand up for myself against the toxic cloud of emotions and dammit I’m not going to sit by now. In practice this looks like me asking “what’s wrong?” “Why are you in a bad mood?” repeatedly and hoping he would just disappear when he is in a surly mood and get lost anywhere but here. Anything less seems like Im not protecting myself or my young kids from his pouting and stewing. I frequently wonder how this could go better but Im always at a loss.
Every time these situations arise you've been granted the opportunity to apply something new and experiment. I struggled the same in my response to situations and have often found that I'm challenged with repeated cycles and/or circumstances but the progress only really began to take form when something inside me shifted. I'm unsure if this helps only thought I would share. It wouldn't hurt you to remember that you're doing nothing wrong. Your effort and consideration to the matter, alone, are worth noting in my opinion.
This is a great reminder. Thank you so much.
This also helps people grow, and improve relationships, awesome post.