This post inspired me to read the 8 concepts of the Bowen Theory. The examples given were a striking similarity to what our family is experiencing. I was a single parent with my oldest daughter and since my marriage and second child our relationship is strained and triangular. This theory was nice to read as it is reinforcing what I try to do mostly, step back and not over parent. What a hard thing to ask in todays society. It feels like not over parenting gets thrown back in my face by my daughter and therapists who actively seek to make everything someones fault or fixable. Society focusing on "rights rather than responsibility" was a striking thought. Thank you for sharing.
This one was a tough one for me. I am going to save it and reread it back a few times to try to internalize the content. On the one hand, I know that my anxiously asking my partner 'what's wrong' only gets him more annoyed. So I have tried really hard to not assume his mood has anything to do with me, or assume that I have to do anything to fix it -- maybe he he just had a bad day and he's allowed that, and I can focus on my side of the street. But at the same time, it is so tiring to deal with the same thing over and over again. At some point in time, I do want to say (yell) - why are you always in a bad mood?! We are so blessed and you seem so unhappy all the time and it's such a bummer to be around someone who is so surly all the time. Which would not be helpful so I don't say that - I focus on my side of the street, but it does feel a little gaslight-y to me TBH
Thanks as always for your newsletter. I find it valuable every time
This post inspired me to read the 8 concepts of the Bowen Theory. The examples given were a striking similarity to what our family is experiencing. I was a single parent with my oldest daughter and since my marriage and second child our relationship is strained and triangular. This theory was nice to read as it is reinforcing what I try to do mostly, step back and not over parent. What a hard thing to ask in todays society. It feels like not over parenting gets thrown back in my face by my daughter and therapists who actively seek to make everything someones fault or fixable. Society focusing on "rights rather than responsibility" was a striking thought. Thank you for sharing.
This one was a tough one for me. I am going to save it and reread it back a few times to try to internalize the content. On the one hand, I know that my anxiously asking my partner 'what's wrong' only gets him more annoyed. So I have tried really hard to not assume his mood has anything to do with me, or assume that I have to do anything to fix it -- maybe he he just had a bad day and he's allowed that, and I can focus on my side of the street. But at the same time, it is so tiring to deal with the same thing over and over again. At some point in time, I do want to say (yell) - why are you always in a bad mood?! We are so blessed and you seem so unhappy all the time and it's such a bummer to be around someone who is so surly all the time. Which would not be helpful so I don't say that - I focus on my side of the street, but it does feel a little gaslight-y to me TBH
Thanks as always for your newsletter. I find it valuable every time
Trying to determine when to pull back, and when to move forward and have conversations is no easy thing! Best wishes for your journey.
Very glad to see you're back. I look forward to your messages and content.
Thanks, Karen!