These blog posts always help me to modulate my behavior. I'm thankful for the work you do. Today I got a birthday card ready for our grown daughter. Instead of, like usual, adding a paragraph to it and asking my husband to add his bit (which ends up usually just being his signature), I wrote 5 or so words of affirmation, signed my name, and asked him if he wanted to add anything. He wrote a paragraph, and it was beautiful. I love watching for subtle ways family dynamics change when one person makes a small behavior adjustment.
Your posts are a breath of fresh air in my tightly held overfunctioning-to-keep-things-together dynamics. They feel so inevitable. Your work keeps on reminding me: they are not. I have a choice. And better still: no-one is to blame. I can just change, I'm allowed to try something a little different (even if it might not "work") – I don't have to wait for others to give me permission or to behave differently first. And I don't have to change others to feel ok. So freeing!
I think of it as overfunctioning because it doesn't give the other person the chance to speak up when something is confusing. However, it could also be a flavor of underfunctioning, looking to others to reassure you that you're right or competent. Thanks for the question!
These blog posts always help me to modulate my behavior. I'm thankful for the work you do. Today I got a birthday card ready for our grown daughter. Instead of, like usual, adding a paragraph to it and asking my husband to add his bit (which ends up usually just being his signature), I wrote 5 or so words of affirmation, signed my name, and asked him if he wanted to add anything. He wrote a paragraph, and it was beautiful. I love watching for subtle ways family dynamics change when one person makes a small behavior adjustment.
Love this example. Thanks for sharing, Jane.
Good advice. Would it be overfunctioning to share this article with someone? Serious question...
Share away!
Thank you!
Your posts are a breath of fresh air in my tightly held overfunctioning-to-keep-things-together dynamics. They feel so inevitable. Your work keeps on reminding me: they are not. I have a choice. And better still: no-one is to blame. I can just change, I'm allowed to try something a little different (even if it might not "work") – I don't have to wait for others to give me permission or to behave differently first. And I don't have to change others to feel ok. So freeing!
Ooh I'd love to hear why these two are over functioning. I do these two a lot but don't quite see the connection. Thanks!
Asking, “Does that make sense?” a lot.
Saying, “But maybe I’m wrong” a lot
I think of it as overfunctioning because it doesn't give the other person the chance to speak up when something is confusing. However, it could also be a flavor of underfunctioning, looking to others to reassure you that you're right or competent. Thanks for the question!