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May 9, 2022Liked by Kathleen Smith

These blog posts always help me to modulate my behavior. I'm thankful for the work you do. Today I got a birthday card ready for our grown daughter. Instead of, like usual, adding a paragraph to it and asking my husband to add his bit (which ends up usually just being his signature), I wrote 5 or so words of affirmation, signed my name, and asked him if he wanted to add anything. He wrote a paragraph, and it was beautiful. I love watching for subtle ways family dynamics change when one person makes a small behavior adjustment.

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Love this example. Thanks for sharing, Jane.

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Good advice. Would it be overfunctioning to share this article with someone? Serious question...

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Share away!

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Thank you!

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Your posts are a breath of fresh air in my tightly held overfunctioning-to-keep-things-together dynamics. They feel so inevitable. Your work keeps on reminding me: they are not. I have a choice. And better still: no-one is to blame. I can just change, I'm allowed to try something a little different (even if it might not "work") – I don't have to wait for others to give me permission or to behave differently first. And I don't have to change others to feel ok. So freeing!

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Ooh I'd love to hear why these two are over functioning. I do these two a lot but don't quite see the connection. Thanks!

Asking, “Does that make sense?” a lot.

Saying, “But maybe I’m wrong” a lot

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May 17, 2022·edited May 17, 2022Author

I think of it as overfunctioning because it doesn't give the other person the chance to speak up when something is confusing. However, it could also be a flavor of underfunctioning, looking to others to reassure you that you're right or competent. Thanks for the question!

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