24 Ways You Had a Predictable 2024
And my hope for the new year.
Multiple small child diseases have laid our household low this holiday season. Mentally, I am done with 2024. But I didn’t want to leave without my yearly exercise of self-reflection.
New Year’s resolutions are fine, but so is getting clearer about your own functioning.
So I give you this year’s list of 24 Ways You Had a Predictable 2024. Not for you to clutch your chest and yelp, “Kathleen, I feel attacked.” But to get a little more neutral and therefore a little more interested in humans doing human things. To give yourself a better chance of emotional maturity and flexibility in 2025 (how is that even a number).
24 Ways You Had a Predictable 2024
You acted less capable when you knew someone would take over for you.
You were more interested in sharing your opinion than being curious about others’ thinking.
You focused more on how someone ran a meeting than how you wanted to participate in it.
You vacillated between being over-involved with others and distancing when the inevitable burnout set in.*
You let anxiety keep you from getting more realistic about people’s actual capabilities.
You immediately tried to convert people to a new way of thinking you’ve adopted.
You chose the quickest way to calm down, rather than the most thoughtful way to move forward.
You evaluated how you’re doing in life by how you felt at 10pm.*
You received a temporary boost in your own functioning by being overly “helpful” to others.
You quickly grabbed an answer from others without engaging your own thinking.
You got hooked on self-improvement content, because thinking about change is more pleasant than taking on challenges.*
You bonded with friends or family by talking about other people’s immaturity.*
You let your reactivity spill over into a lot of triangles.
You were better able to define someone else’s challenges than your own.*
You did many things for someone that got in the way of their own growing up.
You spent a lot of time wondering whether someone was annoyed with you.
Your certainty about others kept it hard to be interested in them.
You knew contact would be useful, but you still kept your distance from someone.*
You focused on diagnosing or labeling people rather than thinking about your part in the rigidity of the system.
You were focused more on how two other people related to each other, than on how you wanted to relate to each of them.
You failed to consider the adaptiveness of certain behaviors, using words like “unhealthy” or “dysfunctional.”
You needed to someone to have as much fun as you were having.
You saw anxiety as a sign that something was wrong, when perhaps it was a sign that you were doing something new.
What would you add to this list? Or even better—what’s your own list?
Look, I always draw from personal experience. I even put fun little stars next to the ones that felt particularly relevant to me, just in case you do not know me and are under the illusion that I have human-ing under control.
My hope for myself and anyone interested in Bowen theory in the new year is a bigger appetite, a renewed interest in the predicament of our species, our challenge to work together and go our own way.
So here’s a benediction for 2024.
May you be more interested in others than you are certain about what’s best them.
May you be as interested in your own thinking as you are in the answers other have for you.
Maybe you be less surprised by your own functioning, and more surprised by others’ capabilities, because you are seeing everything a little more clearly.
See you in 2025.
Kathleen
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News from Kathleen
I had the pleasure on being on the Books from Your Therapist podcast, where I talked about True to You and another book I love, The Social Lives of Animals.
Catch me March 7th online for the Living Systems Spring Conference 2025.
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Oh boy, do I feel seen! 🤣 Thank you to opening my eyes to some of the things I didn't even realize I was doing. And others I did! While so many resonated, #16 has claimed far too many hours of my life!
Aah, I love it.