This Thanksgiving, let's play Family Anxiety Bingo.
This Thanksgiving, let's play Family Anxiety Bingo.
This holiday season get acquainted with your own immaturity.
Thanks to everyone who continues to support the newsletter, whether it’s signing up to be a paid subscriber, sending encouraging words, or passive aggressively forwarding it to your sister (kidding!). For paid subscribers last week, I wrote about how we can play around with anxiety by dialing up relationship stress just a teeny bit, and I provided some examples. - K
I have written a lot about families, anxiety, and the holidays.
In 2021, I explored the importance of observing self and others during family gatherings. I also write about noticing the togetherness force in my own family.
In 2022, I outlined three manageable tasks for building better relationships over the holidays.
My thinking has evolved over the years. These days I’m a bit easier on myself and others for the ways we try to stay comfortable at holiday gatherings. You’d think this would let me off the hook, but it keeps me curious about my own autopilot.
The holidays are a wonderful opportunity for knowing self and knowing others. For becoming intimately acquainted with your own immaturity. (By immaturity I mean the reactive, automatic ways we manage anxiety.)
You learn about our own immaturity not to shame yourself, but to understand your part in a system’s efforts to keep things steady. And to consider how to operate with more authenticity, flexibility, and freedom.
One way to stay curious is to play around a little with these ideas. So I’ve created a Bingo board for you to print out and consult before and after an important family gathering.
The point of this exercise isn’t to make fun of others, but to have fun living outside our predictable behaviors. None of these behaviors are bad. But they don’t afford much opportunity for real contact. For knowing others, and letting them know you.
To live a life off the bingo board, you have to get know yourself a little better.
Your exercise: Take a good look at this list of behaviors. Knowing yourself and your family, what would you add? What are one or two behaviors you’d like to replace with more person-to-person relating at a gathering? Write down how you would measure being a more intentional human during the holidays.
Your assignment: See what happens when you try to interrupt these behaviors. When you try to relate to people without needing a buffer or a second drink. When you observe other people’s behaviors without trying to fix them. At the end of the day, take out the board and mark what you noticed.
I’m a firm believer that you can have fun and grow up a little at the same time. Let me know if you get a bingo, or somehow manage to avoid one.
News from Kathleen
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Want a signed, personalized copy of my next book, TRUE TO YOU? You can preorder it from my neighborhood bookstore, East City Bookshop. I’ll also have some bonus materials available for newsletter subscribers who preorder. More on that soon!
Two new podcast interviews are up!
I was thrilled to get a chance to talk with physician and mom Sarah Hart-Unger on her podcast with Laura Vanderkam, Best of Both Worlds. We talked about about families, work, and managing anxiety when the world is on fire. Give it a listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
I was also thrilled to connect with fellow systems thinker Steve Cuss on his podcast, Managing Leadership Anxiety. We chatted about today’s dating world (and how I help clients think about dating), Bowen theory, and more. Give it a listen on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
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Want to learn more about Bowen theory? Visit the Bowen Center’s website to learn more about their conferences and training programs.
This is just fabulous! I never print things off from the internet, but this is a definite exception....
I have an add for the bingo card: hanging out with the kids to avoid the adults. For me it’s either serving/cleaning or the kids, to avoid the adults. It wasn’t always this way, but there’s such a mix of people now like my kids in laws from different sides, it hardly feels like family anymore and I’m older than most now, everything is so different than it was when I was growing up, so I’d rather just hang out and play games with the grandkids.